Life goes on. People moves on. God knows you can do it, so He let you do it. But when He knows you can't, He will handle it for you.
Life is very tough. Not financially, tough in every single part of it. Sometimes I am very dissapointed of myself, I left evrything behind. Schools, college, career, family, everything. For the sake of myself. Not being selfish, but sometimes I have to let go to see what is it out there that people are crazy of. I dont want to be like them. I just want to see things differently. I admit that I judge people a lot, but I truly didnt mean it. I still have the opposite opinion. I see both good and bad side of people. Sometimes I noticed judging people is a bad thing,sometimes I dont. Well, we can never run from being a dumb fuck.
Another thing that made me sad is that, I failed to motivate myself. Its one fucking simple thing to do, motivate. I dont need to be a queen to motivate myself, I dont need money to motivate myself, yet I fail to do so. I dont stand firm on everything. I dont have anyone to talk to. I have, but I chose to not to tell anyone what I am afraid of, what I feel, what I like and what I dislike! This is insane, how can a human being aged 22 think so much????
I really hope nobody read this. I just want to make it public so I can feel better. Well I do hope a stranger read this. I dont hate my life, I just hate myself for not doing good enough. No one motivates me. Even me, I cant tell myself what to do. I dont have any good words to tell to myself.
All I do is sleep, wake up and get a stupid cold shower, go out, eat, cry, nap, laugh, tell jokes, but I never felt happy. All I can see is a very dirty-looking thoughts, ripping off my brain. I lose faith. I cant even pray when I know I have to, I want to. This is so tough. I am being emotional for months already, I did lots of fun things but dont compare. My level of thinking is getting low and I am totally... Stupid right now.
Sometimes I feel like people are hating me. When you dislike someone, it means you dont like them, you are slowly hating them, you are slowly getting rid of them. Or is it just me. Come on these shits are confusing I really need some alcohol right now.
Fuck this shit. I really need a getaway.