I am wearing a yellow Tshirt

Well, what can I say. I can say I am having a lot of fun in my workplace. I just got back from lunch. Nearby. 3 minutes walk. Can't even burn the calories that is lingering inside me. I really have nothing to blog about. Life has been, same. For past few days and months. But I feel so good talking to myself here. It's like, when I talk and read at the same time, that is satisfaction. It's different from liking your own status on Facebook. Haha. Ahh feelin good I don't own one right now. If I know how Mark Zuckerberg/burg sounds like, his voice must be tickling my head. God.

Back to what I do for my living, I repair computers and googling stuff everyday. That includes Yoga Tutorials, Healthy Food Recipe (oh God knows I never cook them, or even try to cook them), Cool websites, Games, etc.
I also spend most of my times do farming! Farming in Clash of Clans and like, real farming! Hay Day! Gaaaaaad I hate that game but I love that game.

My lovely workspace.

So this is.. my workspace. I love it. It is my secondary bed, difference is I don't sleep here. I sit here staring at the computer. For 9 hours. Just kidding. I go out to sites. So, that is why I name it my secondary bed. I can't wait to get back here. Sooo comfy.

I wear shirts and flats to work. Thank you, Jesus. I hate high heels and formal outfits. 

I am planning on a resignation. I'm thinking about doing some food business. Wish me luck. ;-)

Strange, but it's true.

There are a lot of things happened lately that I have no freaking little time left for myself to update anything in this blog. Well, here I am, out of nowhere, posting random stuff.

I am working right now. Just so you know, I am an IT Assistant now. Heh. My dream job. Suddenly came true, that's the power of God you should wait and believe for, everyday.

Meanwhile, my life. Has been the same I guess. My period didn't go well, I skipped too much meals. Not to deduce weight but because I am having a career and alone in this town. I do have a housemate, we ate a lot together for dinner but I don't think our meals were healthy. But fuck cares, that is why my period didn't go well.

Miss the small apartment though. I feel so incomplete, not having him here with me. For one torturing year.

I just have to go through everything alone. Despite having this pretty annoying smiles on my face, I managed to at least cheer my brain a little. Scumbag brain. Brain never thought about what your heart tells you. But I always go for a brain instead. That rebellious feeling. Hah.

I spent my night life hanging out with friends. We basically discussed about how rubbish works in our daily life, so yeah we ended up enjoying sausage for no reason. (???)

And I pet a hedgehog! My boyfriend caught it for me. We found it running like a mouse that is in 'low-batt' mode, with redeyes. Gosh at first we thought that was some sort of a devil or some creepy creature. Since, we never knew anything about hedgehog, I mean, how it really looks like. Then, I googled and found out that it is an Albino hedgehog. Hehe. Have not discover the gender yet but I prefer to say it is a male. HE IS SO CUTE AND FAT AND LAZY like me. 

While listening to The Offspring's Self Esteem

Who wants to be awarded with a sad face on Thursday? Not me, not you.

It's pretty harsh to continue a lie, and unable to stop become a liar.

Damnit.

I just want to end everything. I've ruinned a lot of things and please, not to this upcoming good thing.

And one thing that pisses me off right now, that fucking SK-II ads on youtube.

Buffering

I am getting really bored here. I came to work just for waiting the clock turns to 5 and go home. It is super relaxing but I just can't do this. Bahahah! I mean, I just can't do nothing. But it feels really good waking up in the morning, had breakfast in the car and morning cigars during the journey. I have an interview this saturday, though. I hope it went well.

This cat appeared at the door just now, asking for food. Actually he's doing it for his pregnant wife. :)

4:40p.m. now. Pffft. I am buffering here. 

Patience Level 9999

When you wanted to be so good, you don't just be good, you don't just go that way alone.

You know what I mean?

Well actually you can. But then, have you thought about your ability to make people--other people-- think that way? Think that you're good. You can't adjust them. You're lack of that talent. For god sake, you're very cool to me. But to others?

Everyone needs to be respect. Everyone needs it.

You'll notice the reason I crap about this shit in my blog, maybe one day, but maybe one not-going-to-happen day. Because I'm bad at telling people what to and what not to do. Because everytime I try to tell them, I didn't get the consideration, I get the guilt. And being an automated-competetitor. somehow.

But the main point is : please. I don't want to see anger everyday, I don't want to see hatred everyday.
I do have the mirror. I know I am like that too. But please, control it for the sake of joy.

You know what is my next mission?
PATIENCE LVL9999.

Few friends might help me with this situation.

I am looking at the bottom left of my purse to see if I have anything left to get myself some snacks and drinks at the convenience store.

I told myself that I got nothing left and the lizzard tsk at my statement so I run to my bed and turn on the TV and watch some chinese movies.

Life is so funny.

It put me in this horrible situation. I am looking at people laughing out so loud with their friends and I realized...

I should find some friend.

Is that Nature

Don't tell me ‘a handbag looks beautiful’. I just really really can't see a beauty on a handbag. well unless it's leather and world can call it a SLINGBAG? I know what is your next question will be. “How old are you?!”

Let me ease you. I’m 21. As 21 as hell. I am very keen in being this young, but have to go through what old people went through. I know what are you going to say next. “You don’t know how they feel. You don’t know what they went through.”

Okay. I don’t. But at least I know a little piece of it. Let me tell you one thing about myself. I keep changing thoughts. I think I’m very awesome at that. I can have thirty five thoughts in 10 seconds. And change them in the next micro-sec.

You know. I really really really really don’t like money. But I really really really really need money. I know that statement’s a psycopath but hey. I mean it.

So let’s go back to the handbag case.

I seriously don’t get it. When people wanted beauty so much. When some people want to be tan. Some want to be a little bit dark. And some(like me) want to have a smooth armpits like those photoshop-ed celebrities.

Is that Nature? Hit me with your opinion. I seriously hate this feeling of wanting a smooth armpits. 

Die maybe

I just don’t feel like going outside and see people, or even glance through them. I really don’t know what I really want. I always wondered, how is my future going to look like.

I mean, come on. There are so many happy people out there doing their stuff with their friends. I just don’t have any. I do, but they’re not even here. As if it’s gonna be fun talking to them only connected through Mark Zuckerberg’s famous invention. Pff.

I don’t want money anymore to buy things I want to. I just need money to pay all these sickening bills and house rent. I hate being in this situation but what else I can do? Run away and forget everything and start a same new problems out there, alone?

I don’t want to look at my parents. And family.

I’m not motivated, I will never be.

I’ve lost everything. Trust, appetite, favourite things, orgasm. Everything. What else? Let go of this computer and that printer I recently bought?

Insane.

Maybe I should take a long rest and die. 

Sometimes...

Sometimes

When you write too much about your life and realize the word 'sometimes' plays too many role in your life. It somehow becomes an early conclusion to what you're going to do. It sounds like you're defeated, predictably, but it also sounds like a victory comes together with a big smile on your face.

A sudden situation that pissed me off very well

I have been scratching my arms for 10 minutes discontinuously. I had no idea what the heck is going on with my skin. It irritates very much everytime I finished my shower. I am using Dove Bar soap and is that the reason?

Skip that.

I am doing just fine these few days. And I imagined a lot of things lately. Especially about my future. I thought about starting a so called 'new life' somewhere out of this country. I distaste every random things that is happening around, especially the people.

Remember about my last post(I strictly believe that no one reads my blog) which I mentioned about 'I am a hater' ? Yes, I am. Maybe to be precisely clear. I am a hater because I received rude answers from people, that 'disgusted' look everytime I am asking for specification of an expensive gadgets. Like, come on.

Today I went to Everrise for an instant groceries shopping. While I am waiting for the cashier to RECOUNT the balance(I don't know what took them so long for that), I glanced to my left and right and heard a conversation of three workers. One of them was the cleaner which obviously means he is the one who's holding the broom and the dustpan. And the other two bastards probably are the supervisor or shit. I don't know. "Clean that up!!" one of the two bastard angrily point at a piece of rubbish(roughly sized around 5cm x 5cm) and the humble cleaner dude swept it to the dustpan and asked one of the two bastards "You celebrate Raya?"

Look. This isn't about the question. This is about the look on his face. He asked it with bursting fear, he was trying to have a communication with them two bastards. And that guy pretend like no one was asking him question. with that face. Holy lord, what is wrong with that guy.

That's ONE of rude appearance I dislike which I have to deal with, everyday.

I'm not saying that other countries don't have these types of people. It's just... I just want to give it a shot, you know?

I wanna live in Sweden so much. Don't ask me why, I'll hit you with a long list of reasons. And I don't want to do so.

Baggage

I know by asking you this question "Do you carry any baggage?" does not make me look or sound caring. But I am trying to. Everyone is carrying a baggage. A baggage is like, a compulsory thing you have to... you ought to carry. Well, you can't use the word 'unlike' here.

"Unlike her, my baggage is heavier" 

"Unlike him, my baggage looks cooler"

Nope. 

The reason why you can't use the word 'unlike' is because there will be at least a thousand persons in this world, having the similar baggage with you. It's just that you don't know who they are.

I am getting fed up with my problems. I don't feel like waking up in the morning and have a nice breakfast. I don't feel like going to cool places. I don't feel like talking to anyone and I don't feel like holding a beer and have fun with my friends. I don't know. I have friends? 

I am currently having many baggages. You know, one of them surely be labelled 'Still asking money from my parents'. That isn't cool for a lady aged 21. or just isn't cool for me.

Being a young adult is insane. 

I have no idea with my future and jobs. Maybe I should just stick my butt to my bed and sleep because If I'm not sleeping, I'm not producing anything either. Or maybe I should get the hell up and do something. 

Yeah, maybe I should just go to sleep and relax. 

I am a hater.

Who can deal with emotion? I can't. Can you?

I don't know and not sure about this but I can say I'm a terrible hater, currently. Everyone is stupid to me. They make mistake. I'll have no problem when they hit me with some major mistakes like giving me wrong answers for my questions or giving me a fail sets of codes for my tutorial.

But, these people.. Ah. They really start the fire and do the evil laugh.

I don't know.

I just don't know.

Should I just ignore them or what? I can't ignore stupid people. They really need to be fixed, man. I am stupid too but I know my limits. What can replace the word 'stupid'? Stereotypical bastard.
How does it feel, when you're in this conversation, which consists of 4 to 5 persons. They started to laugh at... I don't know. A joke? But I don't think that's a joke, dude seriously? I don't feel like want to laugh as hard as they enjoy the farts while laughing.

And you know, there will be this important character, in everything I do and everywhere I go.
He gets hyper when he sees girls. Especially a girl with a tight tanktop with a short skirts and that slow-kind of smile and that..you know..that baby-crying when she gets teased? Fuck off. He gets hyper instantly, man. Sakai. And right after that girl leaves, he acts normal. I think a guy like that should destruct himself right in the middle of a gunfight. As soon as possible if can.

Nah, I'm right. I am a hater. Fuck me. Goodnight.

Don't Stay Home

Why would I stay at home when this turns me on all the time. Damn it, KE.

24th July 2013 : Carpooling #1

I drew a norm on a piece of a paper. That paper does not exist. 

Dude. Today was normal. It flows... nahhhh not perfectly or shits, just normal. 

I had an eight-to-five class schedule today. I can say it was tiring but I saw something that made me think for few seconds : Are you sure you're tired? of these classes? sitting in an air-conditioned room.. with comfortable chairs and had fun with your Slender?

Yea. I asked myself these question and blinked. Whoa. That was holy intense, man. 

Straight to the point. I woke up at 5 freaking cold morning today. Due to some technical difficulties. Squeak. Squawk. Squeal. Grind. It's the sound of brakes going bad! But, seriously. It really needs a lot of cash to get over this problem, instantly. So we decided to carpool. Luckily our friend, Baw, is a help-master. I couldn't thank him in any way. Saying 'thanks' is the only thing I can honestly give in return. 

Sorry, but here's a funny story about few Malaysian. I am not sure about the peninsula, but most of us Sarawakian, pronounce Thank You or Thanks in this some kind of hillarious way. It sounds like this, man. "Teng-Q". Whatever, back to my story.

Carpool.

So, since I had class at 8 A.M and their working hours started 1 hour earlier than usual due to Ramadan, which had to be at 6 A.M, I had to drop them at their workplace (oh, yeah..they work at the same company) and had to wait for two hours for college. You get it, I hope. It's two damn hours. I don't think I can go back home and take any kind of beautiful nap. The distance of my house to my campus, empty wallet, running out of fuels. That's somehow terrifying. Please agree.

I had no options so I went to this shop lot nearby and listened to Rob Stewart for few minutes and turn off the engine and I had no idea what the hell I was doing just now. But time flies, maniacs. 

I went to my college at 7:45 A.M. Gave the car the most sheltered space, next to the shrubs and get the hell out of the car. I sighed. I know I wasn't suppose to do so. But I didn't give a fuck about that, I sighed badly. Sleepy, lazy, hungry. 

But suddenly...

There's a construction site somewhere opposite my college. There were sooooooo many workers, on the rooftops, hit by the direct sunlight, no shelter, no shrubs, but a safety helmet.

The thing that made me sad is... I am not sure of how many children they have, and bills and shits. I didn't mean that those are poor workers, it's just that... I am not suppose to complain about my life. I have chairs, desks, computers, air-conditioned room, friends to play counter-strike with, etc. 

But them? 

Worthless denial and shake one's head

Both sides are denying. 

How can by saying "I'm fine" can extend the whole story? Even it only takes 2 awkward seconds to say that.

It all started on a quiet and cold night, drizzly rain wetting the roof of the apartment. She could hear the sound of the rain tapping the roof clearly. They'll get bored every minute, every minute which means they'll easily get bored no matter what.

But then, all they could do is just sit down on that old smelly couch and patiently wait for the day to end.

Yesterday ends with distress.

She walked that path and regret but by the time she regrets, he came. He turned on the signal light instead, then she realized that path she walked is already dead.

How I deal with people around me

I, despite living with someone who is not at home during lunch, able to have lunch by myself--currently.

That isn't an achievement. I know.. My point is, sometimes being alone is not as hard as you imagined. It only requires some happy messages to reach your brain and make it happen. 

A loner is a sad person? No. Some people like to be alone. Some people don't. Some people want to be alone. Some people don't. There are so many different behaviour & temperament that surround us. 

I (somehow) found it very hard-to-get periodically. It depends on how people expose that feeling. Either showing me their angry faces, or by a serious implication to my ... to my... I don't know. Maybe to my career or else? Or sarcastically make me a God. 

You know? Too much.
Sometimes we can't impeccably take what they give; until we can indirectly see what they are attempting to convey.

That's how I deal with people. Not in the past.

A place that is sick at heart

When a place releases loud noises like laughter and shits, that place may seem happy. I immaculately believe that those loud noises may create somekind of a miniature silhoutte in my head and jump out of my eyes; that place.. is full of disconsolation. 

It is. 

The Small Apartment

Remember about the small apartment I live in? I talked about, recently? 

I'm moving out this September. This space is bittersweet. There are happy and unhappy things revolved around here, at the same time. But the thing I didn't noticed about this house is .. It rebounds my life from miserable to unruffled. My mistakes maul my presence today but this house,somehow, tells me to move on.

Can you imagine how a weak, childish, boyish, easy-exasperate lady.. turned into an unsophisticated person? You may retort with a short opinion.